Shirley is not a sheep - Montana Days
My heroes haven't always been cowboys, in fact, they rarely if ever have been, but the song is, I think, brilliant. Dreams. Why don't we achieve them? Those cowboy ways didn't work.
The other day the fields were ripe with golden dandelions and royal purple wild violets, buttercups, too, so my grandson learned he liked butter because I held the flower under his chin. The day was warm and mild. He wore nothing but a t-shirt, so that little muffin tuchus of his turned towards the sun. He had found an old flute recorder of his father's given to him by a neighbor north of twenty years past. The grass was high. He'd run through it, up the hill towards an ancient, gnarled apple tree at the top, waving and blowing on that recorder. Sometimes a sweet note would come out but mostly squawks and squeaks. Then he'd roll down hill - his main recent accomplishment - a pint sized satyr forever on the lookout for mischief.
How to measure a fortune? Blessed we are all under one roof.
FREE TRAPPER - Charley Russell
That time when I could have died, when I actually saw destruction coming at me full frontal, not by illness or accident, nothing sudden and instant - this was standing on the railroad track watching the train come at you and waiting for it.
Why would I want to be grumpy n the face of that smile?
THE SQUIRREL
January 31, 2020
Dorian
Southern skies
A perfect circle
December's Full Moon sheds sweet light
on virgin snow
The ground beneath us basks
and smiles
My grandson's eyes
Coffee with cream in the moonlight
Warm in my son's arms
His head
Round and shining and perfect
Puzzling the night sky
" Up. Up."
Closer to the moon, Little Man.
Closer to the moon
Your round and perfect head
Glows softly
Casts its spell
Bewitches
Brings dreams
2. The brook is cold and fast
3. The moon stays high and bright and moves a little
4. Salamanders live under rocks by the brook
7. Buttercup
"Even a minor event in the life of a child is an event of that child's world and thus a world event."
dandelions robins = false positive
whose country is this? learn russian
Anybody notice an uptick in the sales of vodka? Or is it just my imagination that...
1. russian immigrants speaking russian to kids and other kids
2. russian groceries
It wasn't yet June when we began to put in firewood for the dark, long winter. Need 5 cords from September to April. Procrastinate, it only gets harder, colder, more expensive. Great deal so I ordered 4 cords knowing we can get another cord off our place plus unlimited kindling.
Dorian gathering firewood.
Dorian in the garden with Madden and me.
only there at certain phases of the moon.
"What", you may ask?
Not now. Now, since both God and the Devil are in the details, it gets a bit tangled/which is why things tend to get tangled
What I mostly do is try to convince myself there is beauty and kindness in the human world in the face of evil. Am I beginning to sound like Anne Frank? Yes, I do believe in evil, not in the theological sense but the damage terribly bad people casually inflict on the rest of us. casualties
I’m not talking about Michelangelo’s Pieta or Pachelbel’s Canon. I’m talking about the genome itself, right in there, a basic building block. If it exists, it’s up to me to find it. Or it was. Too late. There is a “happy” gene. It's been found. It's really there, but you've got to cultivate it. Why is happy gene so humble, so self-effacing, so silent?
Dorian’s shrieks and laughter and squeals and and and blot out the world and all its problems. Is this a time to wish for death? When everything is perfect?
Maybe that’s the generation difference - I believe happiness is possible.
Must maintain some image of magnificence in your heart.
Mary Ann Williamson once looked at me hard and declared, "There is in you a place of perfect peace". Tru dat. That place is like a Brigadoon which appears only once/century. i've been there.
Dorian’s shrieks and laughter and squeals and and and blot out the world and all its problems. Is this a time to wish for death? When everything is perfect?
Maybe that’s the generation difference - I believe happiness is possible.
Must maintain some image of magnificence in your heart.
Mary Ann Williamson once looked at me hard and declared, "There is in you a place of perfect peace". Tru dat. That place is like a Brigadoon which appears only once/century. i've been there.
DEFINITION OF PEACE Peace is like sleeping in a five star hotel instead of on somebody's sofa.
Your open hearted goodness is your greatest asset.
UFC/Jerry Springer - cage fighting = bear baiting - WWE - mud wrestling - baseball to football -
It is a commonplace among students of aesthetic motive that every great achievement in the arts is a kind of love letter. p.xii
What must it be like to die alone and know it, know where you are and where you are not. 15 minutes of fame on Zoom. Farewell performance.
I guess the drama king in me preferred to die with a bang not a whimper. hoped i'd die with a bang, not with a whimper. As long as it doesn't hurt. but thinking about that whimper now it seems like something nice. Say goodnight, Gracie. Those who have your heart gathered round, tempered, peaceful, wishing me the best.
I've never been afraid of dying, never thought about it that much, 'til now. WHY? intensive care. on zoom.
Disney's Night On Bald Mountain - evil erupts into the night and spreads across the earth. Right this minute I'm visualizing the plague this way.
"She called me Pandora 'cause I come with a box full of trouble".
"Lord brought me a box of trouble I called her Pandora.
"They call me Pandora cause my box is full of trouble.
SHE/THEY CALLED ME EASY-OFF. GO ON. GUESS WHY? EASY ON/EASY OFF
SHE/THEY CALLED ME EASY-OFF. GO ON. GUESS WHY? EASY ON/EASY OFF
Nobody's sick yet though we remain vigilant.'
TREES - squirrel incident
And then there's the cosmic stupidity of heavily armed men trying to force themselves into the state house and publicly calling for the murder of elected officials.These are the streets of America, and these men are dangerous. They are zealots with a malevolent world view and a warped politic. They will fight you because hatred and anger and meth-fueled testosterone drive them, emotions driven by the malevolence of the pundits who goad them. They may be deluded, but their delusions are the delusions of true believers, and they get away with it. I cannot help but think of all the peaceful protests, from Kent State to Selma, met with brute force unleashed by the state, serious injury, death. I understand the police not wanting to tussle with these guys. Like Al Qaeda, martyrdom is a prize. Know what I say? Send in Seal Team Six and clear these "patriots" with their bellies and beards and body armor the fuck outta there.
Peace, bro'.
COURAGE - I wonder about those who profess to have it, those who ought to have it, our John Wayne image of courage, the reality of courage. I was brought up John Wayne style, not by my parents but by osmosis from the prevailing culture. although an early memory is my Dad taking me to see "The Quiet Man". Walking home from school when I was seven, some kid punched me in the stomach. I panicked and ran...straight into the street where I was creamed by a passing car. Stuck under the wheel well. Hospital. Convalescence. No school. Lots of presents. Visits from class mates. I was a celebrity, the first kid on the block to get hit by a car. All positive stuff, right? Yeah, but nothing worked. I could not shuck the shame I felt at running away, and I swore to myself that would never happen again. Death Before Dishonor. I would eventually learn these words when I enlisted, but I certainly did not know them then, only the feeling. Never again. However, my idea of courage has been forged over a lifetime. It remains, on some level, what it was, but it has evolved to include much more.
Dandelions and wild violets like gold doubloons spilled from a treasure chest.
SHE/THEY CALLED ME EASY-OFF. GO ON. GUESS WHY? EASY ON/EASY OFF
SHE/THEY CALLED ME EASY-OFF. GO ON. GUESS WHY? EASY ON/EASY OFF
Nobody's sick yet though we remain vigilant.'
TREES - squirrel incident
And then there's the cosmic stupidity of heavily armed men trying to force themselves into the state house and publicly calling for the murder of elected officials.These are the streets of America, and these men are dangerous. They are zealots with a malevolent world view and a warped politic. They will fight you because hatred and anger and meth-fueled testosterone drive them, emotions driven by the malevolence of the pundits who goad them. They may be deluded, but their delusions are the delusions of true believers, and they get away with it. I cannot help but think of all the peaceful protests, from Kent State to Selma, met with brute force unleashed by the state, serious injury, death. I understand the police not wanting to tussle with these guys. Like Al Qaeda, martyrdom is a prize. Know what I say? Send in Seal Team Six and clear these "patriots" with their bellies and beards and body armor the fuck outta there.
Peace, bro'.
Years ago, my Hollywood days, Brooke Adams, a dear family friend called to invite me to go dancing with them that night. Jamie was back in New York. I was in LA on business. Her manager was sending a car. Lots of room for me. Cool. So I got to Brooke's house, and she calls out from the living room. "In here!" I haven't told you who "them" was: Brooke Adams, Dana Delaney, and Leigh Hamilton. I walked into the living room where the three of them stood there looking as dazzling/beautiful as they could be. Dazzling. Oh, my God. My legs went. Seriously. They buckled. I lost my breath. One of them laughed. I forget which. Maybe all three. Because of Jamie, I've been around so many beautiful women, I don't think any ugly ones at all.
"Want to be happy for the rest of your life, got to make a ugly woman your wife"
if you have principles then you will need courage.
Dangerous situations come in all colors, physical and mental.
Why this topic? Because I am appalled, sickened, and disgusted at the cowardice of those who profess otherwise - elected officials who checked their guts at the door. Principles? Why take the chance? They might be wrong. All my life, I have fought myself to be authentic. If I were gonna write about something, I was compelled by principle to do it. Not an easy thing to maintain, this authenticity, especially when people begin expecting things of you.
Why this topic? Because I am appalled, sickened, and disgusted at the cowardice of those who profess otherwise - elected officials who checked their guts at the door. Principles? Why take the chance? They might be wrong. All my life, I have fought myself to be authentic. If I were gonna write about something, I was compelled by principle to do it. Not an easy thing to maintain, this authenticity, especially when people begin expecting things of you.
It takes fear to have courage. It takes courage to be Black.
Muhammad Ali
secret youth = immaturity
don't like to think of this a a man cave.
Dorian's eyes go wide
so i'm seeing this old office thru dorian's eyes and thereby reckoning with the fractiles my life. Where did I get this, and what does it bring to mind?
each day dorian becomes more of who he is, of dorian, the growth of a vegetable larger each morning.
His eyes go wide, proof of my theses = farm boy's pockets. One day he'll be ble to actually understand the stories that go with them.
search for stories
Montana bar hungry horse tools all over the walls and hanging etc etc etc - is my office unconsciously modeled on that bar? ALOHA ALASKA describe taxi shop
Prefer to spend last 1/2 hour before bed in office, etc.
That phrase, "Take a bullet for him", explore it.
From Lincoln's death to 1965 = jim crow
What is worth fighting for?
Black people need courage just to get through their day. To walk out the door takes courage that a white man doesn't even consider. A stop at Starbucks on the way to work can be an ambush. Be on guard. Stay on guard. Be careful what you say and how you look. Ignore slurs. The reason racism is the worst problem we have is because we have never faced up to it. Too many people believe it stopped with the civil war. It didn't. Damn near the day of Lincoln's murder, his VP, Andrew Johnson, took Reconstruction apart . This ushered in Jim Crow laws that stripped their new found rights and kept them in danger of their lives, "legally" consigned to squalid conditions, barred from the advantages of a being a free citizen in this country, kept from voting, kept from an education, kept out of neighborhoods, so much forbidden by law that the rest of us take for granted, don't even think about - until 1965! How long ago was that? Brought here in 1619 and unable to vote until 1965! 1965! Yesterday! Imagine being born into a world that, from your first breath, does its damndest to convince you that your life does not matter. Ask for the rights your neighbors have and the law thunders down beats you into submission. Police are a direct descendant of the slave patrols used to keep slaves and freemen under control, literally denied the right to stand still Move it! Move it out! Wouldn't you be pissed?
What we need in this country is slavery as a required subject. Education. Tech it. No other way. We are still suffering because of it. People are not going to get it by osmosis. It is too subtle and too complex to get it on one's own.
The camera phone is Truth.
Give me an example of systemic racism. Here's: one: Bill Barr brought a team of lawyers and assistants with him to the justice department. Not one Black person in the bunch. A dozen or more assistants, and not one Black.
Compared to John Lewis, I am nothing.
pure joy - and unbreakable perseverance
Like Michaelangelo, we find ourselves by chipping away at the form in the marble.
Muhammad Ali
secret youth = immaturity
don't like to think of this a a man cave.
Dorian's eyes go wide
so i'm seeing this old office thru dorian's eyes and thereby reckoning with the fractiles my life. Where did I get this, and what does it bring to mind?
each day dorian becomes more of who he is, of dorian, the growth of a vegetable larger each morning.
His eyes go wide, proof of my theses = farm boy's pockets. One day he'll be ble to actually understand the stories that go with them.
search for stories
Montana bar hungry horse tools all over the walls and hanging etc etc etc - is my office unconsciously modeled on that bar? ALOHA ALASKA describe taxi shop
Prefer to spend last 1/2 hour before bed in office, etc.
That phrase, "Take a bullet for him", explore it.
From Lincoln's death to 1965 = jim crow
What is worth fighting for?
Black people need courage just to get through their day. To walk out the door takes courage that a white man doesn't even consider. A stop at Starbucks on the way to work can be an ambush. Be on guard. Stay on guard. Be careful what you say and how you look. Ignore slurs. The reason racism is the worst problem we have is because we have never faced up to it. Too many people believe it stopped with the civil war. It didn't. Damn near the day of Lincoln's murder, his VP, Andrew Johnson, took Reconstruction apart . This ushered in Jim Crow laws that stripped their new found rights and kept them in danger of their lives, "legally" consigned to squalid conditions, barred from the advantages of a being a free citizen in this country, kept from voting, kept from an education, kept out of neighborhoods, so much forbidden by law that the rest of us take for granted, don't even think about - until 1965! How long ago was that? Brought here in 1619 and unable to vote until 1965! 1965! Yesterday! Imagine being born into a world that, from your first breath, does its damndest to convince you that your life does not matter. Ask for the rights your neighbors have and the law thunders down beats you into submission. Police are a direct descendant of the slave patrols used to keep slaves and freemen under control, literally denied the right to stand still Move it! Move it out! Wouldn't you be pissed?
What we need in this country is slavery as a required subject. Education. Tech it. No other way. We are still suffering because of it. People are not going to get it by osmosis. It is too subtle and too complex to get it on one's own.
The camera phone is Truth.
Give me an example of systemic racism. Here's: one: Bill Barr brought a team of lawyers and assistants with him to the justice department. Not one Black person in the bunch. A dozen or more assistants, and not one Black.
Compared to John Lewis, I am nothing.
pure joy - and unbreakable perseverance
Like Michaelangelo, we find ourselves by chipping away at the form in the marble.
COURAGE - I wonder about those who profess to have it, those who ought to have it, our John Wayne image of courage, the reality of courage. I was brought up John Wayne style, not by my parents but by osmosis from the prevailing culture. although an early memory is my Dad taking me to see "The Quiet Man". Walking home from school when I was seven, some kid punched me in the stomach. I panicked and ran...straight into the street where I was creamed by a passing car. Stuck under the wheel well. Hospital. Convalescence. No school. Lots of presents. Visits from class mates. I was a celebrity, the first kid on the block to get hit by a car. All positive stuff, right? Yeah, but nothing worked. I could not shuck the shame I felt at running away, and I swore to myself that would never happen again. Death Before Dishonor. I would eventually learn these words when I enlisted, but I certainly did not know them then, only the feeling. Never again. However, my idea of courage has evolved over a lifetime, forged from everything that I ever witnessed. I'm not pretending to be any kind of example, expert or proponent, just an interested bystander..
Of this I am certain: no courage without fear. No courage without principles.
I did something really truly stupid back about 1974. The murder of Kitty Genovese was a touchstone for me. I could not imagine no one helping that woman who was screaming and screaming and being killed. Nobody moved. Not even to call the police or yell to stop. I thought it was a disgraceful display uf hman behavior. Disgusting. I carried that incident with me (explain). OK. 1974. I'm walking south on Broadway. At the cotnr of 79th and Broaway I saw a man and a woman brutally beting notherperson who was on the ground. The woman was banging the victim with the stilleto heel of her shoe. People were walking round them crossingthe street, avoidng them while the beating continued. And, oh, shit, I thought of Kitty Genoveseand felt fear because ofwhat I knew I was being driven to do. I ran to those people and puled them off the guy on the ground. And guiess wht? The guy on the ground pops up and stabs me, tries to, some scratches, blocked them. Copsright there.
It remains, on some level, what it was, but it has evolved to include much more.
if you have principles then you will need courage.
Dangerous situations come in all colors, physical and mental.
Why this topic? Because I am appalled, sickened, and disgusted at the cowardice of those who profess otherwise - elected officials who checked their guts at the door. Principles? Why take the chance? They might be wrong. All my life, I have fought myself to be authentic. If I were gonna write about something, I was compelled by principle to do it. Not an easy thing to maintain, this authenticity, especially when people begin expecting things of you.
Why this topic? Because I am appalled, sickened, and disgusted at the cowardice of those who profess otherwise - elected officials who checked their guts at the door. Principles? Why take the chance? They might be wrong. All my life, I have fought myself to be authentic. If I were gonna write about something, I was compelled by principle to do it. Not an easy thing to maintain, this authenticity, especially when people begin expecting things of you.
It takes fear to have courage. It takes courage to be Black.
Muhammad Ali
secret youth = immaturity
Muhammad Ali
secret youth = immaturity
We discovered tossing stones off a bridge into a roiling creek. The same mud puddle that was there yesterday was here today, so, of course, we had to jump up and down in it. He's discovering Spring in all its mud and slush...............ain't pretty picture but an exciting titillating one...predictably unpredictable...spring=the world is really moving along........you can see it now where for months you couldn't...living things two inches underground under snow...if you thought about it, you knew what was happening, but most of the time it seemed frozen and still. Nothing seems to change... House bound. Always with a flashlight close at hand for when the power goes out. My thoughts turned to what I want to plant this year
Dandelions and wild violets like gold doubloons spilled from a treasure chest.
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