Who Loves Ya, Baby?

Seven small and smaller towns constitute what we call the mountaintop, and Maureen Heffernan-Rich lives on a seriously back road west of one of them. I live seventeen miles away in a hamlet of a village of a town, so the only time I see her is when I bring my dog to board or be groomed. Maureen owns Siam Kennels and has boarded three generations of our family's canines: Hank, Mike, and, now, Bliss (Guess which one my daughter named?) Maureen could be mistaken for a drill sergeant if she doesn't like you with a stare that could weaken a smackdown bully, but, if she does like you, she presents a big hearted side and an off the wall sense of humor. Dog spoken here. The other day I took Bliss over there for a toenail clipping. I could have done it myself, but Maureen's fun to talk to, and I don't know anyone else like her, so I drove over. That day Maureen was ecstatic. She had finally figured out a way to make her fortune. A small test available to any married couple should do it. She intended to sell it mail order. That's what she said. Check it out.

HOW TO TELL WHO LOVES YOU MORE: YOUR WIFE OR YOUR DOG.

Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car; wait one hour; let them out; now see which one is happy to see you.

TEIRESIAS & ME

In classical Greek mythology we meet a seer named Teiresias, a very old man who can see into the future. One day it occurred to me that the reason Teiresias could tell what was going to happen was because he knew what had already happened. He had already lived through it. He knew that history is cyclical and events repeat themselves albeit in different forms. Now that I am older and can look back over a wide spread of years, I extrapolate about a future that will include my children and their children. I sadly admit that I am not one of the hopeful. I see the Klan in other robes. I see globalization as the next incarnation of the plantation system, international conglomerates taking the place of elected governments. I see mercenary armies fighting myriad wars when they’re not stationed in D.C. clearing us out from Pennsylvania Ave. I do not relish the world my children will inherit. Ignorance reigns. It continues to astonish me, this willful ignorance, and as long as that willful ignorance is attached to fundamental, radical religion it will continue to grow more dangerous. Michelle Bachman and her ilk are real. She is not acting. The lady is a true believer, a religious fanatic, the kind that kills, and just look at her popularity. Please understand I mean only honor and respect to any creed that has at its heart the dignity and humanity of the rest of us, but most of my life I’ve felt that the true danger to the United States came from within, like beetles boring through the heart of an oak tree. Forget sharia law. It’s the beliefs of the radical right that worry me. On talk shows one hears these people whine and complain about being persecuted, but throughout the history of the western world they are the persecutors and always have been (Check out the Crusades, the Inquisition, lynch mobs, concentration camps, and pogroms for starters), militant and aggressive about a way of life that would set the United States back centuries and end life here as we know it. They are among us, folks, organized into a rabid cabal of self-anointed Dominionists and devotees of the New Apostolic Reformation (Rick Perry being one of their self-confessed prophets), with the aim of infiltrating our government so as to enforce their beliefs on us all.Please explain to me how this is different from radical Islam? I fear civil war. I fear a time when people who disagree with the government will be “disappeared”. I fear witches will once again be hung. I am firm in my conviction that anyone who believes Jezebel and three demons are in control of the United States (told to the press by another moron from Perry’s Response day) is a menace to our society. A huge part of me believes there is little we can do to stop this political and social (r)evolution, but another part of me believes in fighting back as heartily as possible. We are in a battle for the very soul of the United States of America. To co-opt a popular right wing slogan, “I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees.” Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned. Believe it.