33 Years -- August 12, 2013

The CIA calls it "tacit reasoning": the almost magical way of intuiting where things are going or what something means, the ability to sense hidden agendas and actually draw accurate conclusions. How do we know what we know? We've never been in this situation before nor have we met the other person before just now, yet our brains quickly make a series of tentative judgments in order to reach a conclusion. Tacit reasoning.

Love at first sight. Tacit reasoning. The door opened, and there she was -- Jamie -- the woman who would become my wife. We had yet to exchange word one. A second ago I had never known she existed, but I felt a jolt to my system that told me something important had just happened. It was a July 4th party, thirty-five years ago, at a friend's apartment to watch the fireworks over Santa Monica  Bay. I was sitting on the floor leaning back against a sofa with a brandy in my hand when my friend opened the door and let her in. I remember her smile. That was the first thing. She was an actress and projected one so large it could be seen from the last row of the balcony. I was paralyzed, literally afraid to move and probably wouldn't have had my friend not brought her over to introduce us. In my mind she looks now as she did then. She sat down on the floor opposite me and thus began a conversation that has continued for decades.We married two years after that and began a life that has lasted all this time, created a family, struggled with our careers, sometimes it seemed struggled with everything, and yet here we are, the two of us, still holding hands while we sleep. Each of us now has white hair but a little less of it. We're not as impetuous as we once were. We often veer away from the fall line that once seemed so attractive. There is no longer a rush to get down hill. There are other ways to get around.

So what's next? I don't know. I never did. I truly never fathomed just how good life could be. I know it now, and some part of me knew it then. What I know now is I am still excited at the prospect of Jamie coming through the door. But it is a quiet excitement, nothing raucous. We no longer tear each other's clothes off, but we have found peace in each other's presence.

Thanks, J. I love ya.