December 12, 2010
“I know. We change. We grow. We evolve. I know all that. We’ve come to a point where age is not the issue it once was. We’re longer lived, stronger, sturdier than we once were. We accept as bedrock that, “Sixty in the new forty.” I concur. Sixty is the new forty, but, from my point of view, seventy is the new ninety! It may surprise some of you. It certainly does me. Try to wrap your mind around that one, folks. Let’s change the subject for a minute. Oh, of course. What were we talking about? Age. Right. Age without the “old” in front of it. Or was it with the “old” in front of it? Whatever.
OK. I want you to analyze something for me, some recent behavior of mine, all in the past two weeks. Let me give you a little history about both my shaving habits and driving habits first. .I don’t shave every day, but, when I do shave I shave clean, scout my face for scant sign of whisker and whisk it away. As for my driving it’s been fifty-four years without a ticket or an accident unless you count when I was sixteen and the brakes on my father’s truck gave out on the down hill while I was delivering a truck load of tires to customers on Belair Rd. By the time I came to a stop I had taken out two cars, two gasoline pumps, and a wall, but that wasn’t my fault. I’m talking my fault. Never. Not in fifty-four years. So can we read anything into the fact that in the past two weeks I copped three moving violations, including one for backing into a forest ranger’s truck? And can we read anything into the fact that once I was in the shower I discovered I had forgotten to shave my moustache? Never before have I forgotten to shave my moustache. Never. Wait. I’m not finished. The town of Woodstock is about forty-five minutes away. Been there many times. Met people there many times. I made plans to meet someone this week and showed up two hours early on the wrong day.
It could be that as a writer I live in my own head, so just because I’m sitting next to you doesn’t mean I’m not in Persia.
Maybe it is the old absent minded writer gambit, but I’m not sure You tell me. No. Don’t.”
This is hilarious....the day of an old geezer.
ReplyDeleteRenee
You forgot the part about... I don't remember what but I know you forgot it.
ReplyDeleteAbout a year and a half ago (I am currenlty 65), I noticed that my handwriting was changing. Not my cursive, but my printing, which I do in all caps, a holdover from my teaching days. My hand, all by itself, began beginning all letters from the bottom, eliminating all of those extra strokes. For example, if you do a capital "M" from the bottom rather than from the top, you eliminate the down stroke (the whole "down stroke" thing is another subject altogether). I noted this and watched as my hand and, presumably, my brain, did a do-over on my handwriting. Fewer strokes = more time? Couldn't tell you, but it is spooky.
ReplyDeleteWoah, James. Me, too. I'm 58 and I noticed the same thing happening when I masturbate. Must be the brain trying to economize and save energy to keep itself alive a little longer.
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff, Butch, sorry to say! But I'll still drive with you!
ReplyDeletesounds like you need a passport 95001x
ReplyDeleteHave you heard 90 is the new dead
ReplyDelete